With the country's divorce rate approaching 50 percent, more and more children are being raised in single parent homes. Rearing a child alone magnifies both the responsibilities and the pressures involved with being a parent. Single parents have half the resources as two-parent families, but face the same responsibilities. Being a good parent in a traditional family is hard enough, but the demands of trying to manage a family as a single parent can be overwhelming at times.

The financial burden

In most two-parent households today, both parents have to work to provide for the family. Single parents are at a real financial disadvantage. Income is cut in half, but expenses are nearly the same. It can be difficult and sometimes impossible to make ends meet.

Although a child's needs for food, clothing, shelter and medical care can't be denied, there are ways for single parents to cut expenses, such as:

• Set a monthly budget and stick to it. Keep a record of all your expenses.
• Cut out unnecessary spending (eating out, purchasing junk food).
• Try to get the most for your dollar. Shop wholesale warehouses and discounters. Look for sales. Compare prices. Clip coupons. Use cash instead of credit.
• Don't waste energy. Turn the thermostat down in the winter and up in the summer. Turn off lights when not in use. Open your curtains during the day to let in the sunlight and warmth and close them in the evening.
• Have fun inexpensively. Try going to the zoo, using discount tickets to see a movie or going to a matinee. Camping is a low-cost way to travel.

Spread the wealth

Most single parents can identify with Atlas, the Roman god who bears the weight of the world on his shoulders. They must constantly balance work, finances, housekeeping and caregiving, while somehow finding time for rest and relaxation. It can be too much for any one person to handle.

Depending on the ages of the children, single parents have several options for reducing their workloads and gaining more free time, such as:

• Share housework with the children, rather than constantly serving them. Children enjoy the sense of independence and self-worth they receive from responsibility.
• Set up a job schedule for every member of the household, including yourself. Tell children that you can't do everything and their help is very important.
• Give children tasks they can handle.
• Give children time to work out their own solutions to problems. This helps them establish their individuality and creativity. Solving a problem for them downplays the importance of their help and decreases their sense of self-worth.
• Set family goals and limits. Give children the chance to help with the decision making.

Develop relationships with your children

With all the responsibilities a single parent has, there is little time left over to spend with the family. But it's very important that single parents have relationships with their children that go beyond the provider roles. The key is to plan ahead:

• Plan time to spend with your child every day. You can play games, take a walk or just talk. Let your child choose.
• Don't ask too many questions. Let your child choose topics for discussion.
• Get involved with your children's extracurricular activitities and education.

Find time for yourself

Family time isn't the only time single parents feel short of. Private time is also a problem. But a parent's social growth and happiness are just as important as the child's. Again, the key is to plan ahead:

• Take time out to relax and decrease stress.
• Plan time for family and friends.
• Plan social time.
• Call on family, neighbors and friends to look after your children while you're away.
• Let your children know that you need time by yourself and you love them.

Communication and conflict

Conflicts occur in every family. Below are several methods for dealing with problems as they arise:

• Deal with the conflict rather than ignore it. View it as an opportunity for positive change and understanding.
• Don't expect perfection from your children or yourself.
• See the situation from the child's point of view.
• Let children face the consequences of their actions.
• When tempers flair, take a time out.

Conflicts between parent and child must be overcome. Here are some ways to break down the barriers:

• Listen quietly and attentively.
• Acknowledge your child's feelings with a word.
• Give their feelings a name.
• Don't rush to answer questions. Instead, ask them what they think.
• Let children make the choices.

Loss of positive role model

For a child's development, it's important that a role model of the same sex be present in the child's life. The role model provides the basis for gender identity and can help strengthen social skills and role play. Solutions can include:

• Arranging for the child to spend special time with the other parent, if possible.
• Arranging times to visit aunts, uncles or other relatives.
• Enrolling the child in youth organizations such as the YMCA or YWCA. Same-sex peers can also help a child develop social skills.
• Find out about the Big Brothers/Big Sisters organization in your area.

It's also important that children understand the reason for the other parent's absence.

HELP!

The many responsibilities of being a single parent can be overwhelming at times. No one expects perfection and neither should you. Don't be afraid to ask for help from sources such as:

• Family and friends
• Church (youth groups)
• School (student activities, PTA, counselors)
• Organizations (Parents Without Partners, Big Brothers/Big Sisters)
• Books
• Government agencies (financial and medical assistance)

Although single parenting brings on added burdens and responsibilities, the joys of parenting are just as great as in a two-parent home. Try to appreciate the positives, such as the fact that children raised in single parent homes learn to be more independent and self-reliant.

Baptist Hospital East offers family counseling at the hospital as well as at Baptist Hospital Northeast in La Grange. For more information, call the Center for Behavioral Health® at (502) 896-7105 or toll-free 1-800-478-1105. Help is available 24 hours a day.